An Open Letter To Conservative MPs

 

Dear Conservative MPs, 

Allegations are coming in from a multitude of sources that (no, don’t worry - it’s not another sex scandal!) some of you have been texting each other with comments about the government which suggest that you don’t enjoy watching them torch the country any more than those of us who’ve had to decimate our grocery shopping and daren’t switch the heating on do. 

If that’s true, here’s a way that you can find a place in the history books for helping to save the country from the Government of Zero Talents, instead of being its enablers. 

Make no mistake about it - you are going down in history as one of those two things, so why not choose the selfless one? 

Here’s all you have to do. 

1. Start a WhatsApp group (and we all know that you’re familiar with those!), or join one you’re invited to. 

2. Do not invite any member of the Government Front Bench. There’s no point. They’re complicit in what’s going on. They have to be, or they’d have spoken out by now. 

3. Invite your friends to join, and ask them to invite theirs. The only qualification is that they have at least some semblance of a backbone. 

4. Say publicly that Parliament should be recalled. It’s hardly an unreasonable suggestion when the country’s pension funds were only saved from total wipeout as a direct result of the Government’s own policy by the desperate intervention of the Bank of England, is it? A letter to the PM signed by all of you would be ideal. 

5. When Parliament finally does meet (and I’m assuming that after all this time MPs can still find the Debating Chamber), there are two steps you can take. If the mini-Budget is debated, vote against it. If it’s not, call for a Confidence Vote, then vote against the Government. If you want to make it really dramatic, cross the floor. You don’t need join another party if you don’t want to. Just declare yourself an Independent. 

The beauty of it is that if you co-ordinate your efforts there’s not a lot the Government can do about it. They can’t pick you off one by one. It’s what trade union members might describe as solidarity. 

Yes, you’re going to risk your job, but distancing yourself from the incompetent dogmatists in charge just now may save you at the next election. Otherwise, unless your constituents are mainly millionaires, you could be out for good. 

And with pundits talking last night about a potential Conservative extinction event, I’d suggest your job’s in jeopardy already. 

But I’m going to give you credit for some altruism, and hope it’s even more important to you that you’ll help to save the country. 

Sincerely,

Alix Chaytor.